What sort of parent would do this to a child?
One fundamental of good parenting is supporting the role of the other parent.
Children need two parents, and they especially need two parents that work together. They need a consistent view of the world and their place in it to feel secure and confident.
It’s as simple as mum not telling John he can play outside – straight after dad’s told him he can’t – even if she thinks it’s OK herself. Or it’s as complex as dad telling him that mummy’s just out late and will be back soon – even if he really thinks she’s having an affair with his best friend.
Clearly we must be realistic, people are always going to argue or briefly undermine the other parent – we’re only human. All the same, for good parents this is the exception about which they feel guilty, rather than the rule.
It’s a simple matter of putting the welfare of the child before your own feelings. Even when it’s easier to just blame the other parent, normal parents don’t.
Indeed, parents the world over support each other naturally, they understand it helps their children to feel loved and valued equally by them both.
Unfortunately, relationships break down, and when this involves children it can be especially difficult. Of course, in most cases, parents recognise their children shouldn’t have to suffer just because they can’t get on. They make sensible arrangements to ensure their breakup has as little impact on their children as possible.
Even living apart, decent parents still support each other as parents, though they may hate each other as people.
In a minority of cases one or both of the parents can’t or won’t agree how parenting of the children is to be arranged. These are the cases that end up in the courts.
If one parent is determined enough, they can keep the children all for themselves. It’s sad, but the system will accept and help a mother to remove a child’s father if she chooses – she can easily stop the children seeing him. Much less commonly, a father will be able to eliminate a child’s mother.
We believe that removing either parent from a child’s life, without very good reason, is the ultimate in selfishness and bad parenting. These children are damaged for life, completely unnecessarily.
Of course, very rarely, there are good reasons for excluding one parent. However, family courts don’t look for good reasons, they are happy with any reason, either true or fabricated and – amazingly enough – they don’t much care which!
Normal people naturally expect courts in this country to be places where truth and justice can be seen to work. Nothing could be further from the truth.
You’d expect the courts to try and help children keep both of their parents. But instead, they take the easy way out, shrug their shoulders, and say “What can we do?”.
No-one is pretending that these situations are easy, of course, but by standing back and rubber-stamping the elimination of a parent, the family courts are totally failing children. They do little more than help bad parents ruin their children’s lives.
So, what sort of parent destroys the relationship of a child with their other parent, without very good reason?
A bad parent.
It is not only fathers that are denied contact in the majority of cases the grandparents suffer from loss of contact also (mainly paternal sometimes maternal) children are losing the love, care and support of families causing great trauma and distress to all concerned, and yes you are correct about the damage to our children.
Children are an integral part of families and the family is the security for our children, parents should be able to raise their children even if they live apart providing there is no safety issue, and grandparents also the wider family are their to help and support children and parents. Providing love, stability and security which children need to become well balanced adults.
We are very concerned about family life in our current society many people forget that grandparents are parents too, and we do not stop loving sons/daughters when they become adults. I am part of the Coalition for Equal Parenting
CEP.
Pamela Wilson
Chairwoman
