Both parents are equally important to their children
As it takes two people to bring a child into the world, it takes two to bring a child up. Mothers and Fathers are equally important at various stages of life. Often, one parent stays at home to care for a child whilst very young, but when the other parent returns from work at the end of the day, there is relief for the daytime carer (and I have heard it expressed in no other way), and a unique joy for the child that marks a special time of the day.
Later in life, there is Dad to play football with, Mum to do baking with (please don’t take these stereotypical images to seriously; I hate football and love baking), each teaching important interactive physical, mental and social skills, each forming bonds that create a stability that will ensure the child grows in to a stable adult. Even later in childhood there are issues that are pertinent to one gender or the other: Dad can offer unique insights into puberty that are different to, and equally important as, Mum’s.
Each of us accrues a pattern to our lives; loves, regrets, lessons learnt. A child, to better us, must have the duality of both parent’s life experiences; the pain of childbirth, the fear of a vasectomy, pre-nuptial terrors, the first boyfriend, why girls are so hard to understand, experiences of school, friendship, employment. Without a balancing of experience, a child may grow up to believe a biased viewpoint, for instance; that men have no emotional involvement in childbirth, or that all women will steal your children, and may grow up to have a twisted slant on life, possibly growing up as a damaged person.
Currently, it is seen as the right of a child to have access to both parents, and this is established in UNICEF’s mandates. However the children of the UK are refused this right, not by ill will or deliberate cruelty, but by ignorance and apathy: Social ignorance makes Dad the main breadwinner, and keeps Mum in a low paid job; Judicial ignorance means that children are treated as prizes in courtroom duels; Government ignorance means that a total misunderstanding of the needs of children goes unchallenged by those who can make a difference.
Worst of all is Government apathy, as they CAN change the system, if only they could be bothered.
It can be seen that a child who grows up with only one parent is more likely to fail at school, or even leave school before exams, is more likely to take drugs or become pregnant at an early age. Worse: They have an increased chance of repeating these failures upon their own children.
It is up to us, as parents, to make the Government see sense, to make them understand that the road they travel will lead to more and more children being psychologically damaged, growing up to perpetuate the problem of broken family relationships with their own children.
Write to your MP now, and ask her/him just why she/he thinks the situation is not in need of change, and how the government and the family courts are not failing children. When she/he cannot answer this, just ask them what they are going to do to fix it.
If you ever needed a sample family to prove this theory, then it must be my family. The life long effect of being bought up in poverty, with just a mother trying to cope, with a father who disappeared in the night when all 5 girls were very small, a mother who could no longer function properly - and now that these "girls" are in their 50's, 60's & 70's with very serious life long problems of their own.
Strangely, the "defence" mechanism is put in place at a very early age, and this outward mask literally hides the truth from all other people they come into contact with - through the whole of their lives. The feeling of having to "hide" some things from the public is a very strong one. The strong desire to be like everyone else pervades.
In later years this mask is cracking, I know I am one of these girls who has "coped" - believe it or not, my father who left such a long time ago & no mention of him was ever made again, went on to marry and have 5 more girls, who in turn have become dysfunctional!
Denise
I am sorry to read of your situation. It is a tragedy that repeats itself and will go on repeating itself until our society wakes up and accepts that we have to acknowledge the harm that losing a parent (for whatever reason) can do to children.
We are not focused on attaching blame (although often that will be necessary as well) but we are simply trying to find a better resolution in the best interests of the children than the courts offer now.
Of course, no-one can 'legislate' bad parents into good ones, or emotionally damaged people into healthy ones.
But this does not mean we all just bury our heads in the sand, as is the prevalent coping mechanism by this government - and society at large, and hope the problem will rectify itself.
It won’t.
